5.02.2012

Out of Bounds

S M A L L; s m a l l

I used to live small.

I have recently started up a conversation with a man I knew in my teens and in to my late twenties. It has reminded me of where I have come from.

First off, I pretended to be much bigger than I felt. Not an uncommon thing for anyone to do, really. If I could be funny or a bit crazy or maybe a bit abrasive and sarcastic, maybe I could keep you away from how I really felt. Certainly it kept me away from how I really felt. I was constantly in motion. Slowing down would mean feeling the pain inside me. I was always joking and being sarcastic. That kept me away from any meaningful conversation.

Why was I living so small? Well, there's surely many reasons.

I hated the chance I might fail at something. If I live small, certainly the risk of failure is lower. In my world, failing was not an option. So I went after things I could obtain, never really reaching beyond the "obtainable."

I appeared to those around me to be pretty adventurous and bold, but I played strictly in bounds.

So what does this have to do with the ManKind Project and the New Warrior Training Adventure? I have made changes in my life that I believe I could not and would not have made if I had not deiced to completely jump "out of bounds" to take my New Warrior Training Adventure weekend. The ball has been rolling toward living bigger and stronger and bolder, ever since.

I used to live small. Real small. I tried to be "out of the way" and stay "in bounds." I wasted a lot of time choosing that.

Are you willing to take the risk and see what it looks like to live out of bounds?

I'm out.
Bravehearted Old-faithful Wolf

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