10.31.2007

Truth and Trust

One day I was awakened to the fact that I did not trust men. It shook me, because I had to admit that I was lacking something I thought I had.

The way it was though was I had no real reason to trust men. Men had screwed me my whole life. I had been cheated to, lied to, been left out to dry alone, abandoned, shamed, and basically shafted by every man or boy I could think of.

The most common was being lied to. What I recalled was every man or boy I had known had lied to me in big ways, not just little, nothing lies, but big ones.

My neighbor cheated on his wife while extolling the virtues of manhood to me. My school friends had no grasp of truthfulness. My friend through my twenties turns out to be lying about his sexual preferences the entire time I knew him. My brother lied to me so many times it still makes my head spin. The list goes on and on....

When I went to my New Warrior Training Adventure, I stood in a space that was safe to say "I do not trust you simply because you are a man." I was able to get clear on who I did not trust. It was me. I had to come to terms with the fact that I was just like them. I had a laundry list of ways I had screwed other men and boys. I could recite a million ways I had lied to them. Well, of course I couldn't trust males.

Nine years later, I feel very clear that I am trustworthy and that there are men who are, as well. I find most of those men in the ManKind Project. I am clear that if a man in the project lies to me, I can go to him and we can work it out. I can find support to deal with whatever comes my way.

Are you looking to get truthful about who and what you are? Are you willing to stand in a space and say what is true for you? Are you ready to be a man who has looked at his ways of living and whether they work or not?

Come on...I'll be there...you can trust me.

I'm out.
Old-faithful Wolf

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