9.14.2006

My Mind’s Eye

I wrote this piece about seven years ago. I find it is still strong in my heart. I was inspired to write it just after I went through my New Warrior Training Adventure some seven years ago.

I wonder what the training will inspire in you...

My Mind’s Eye
By Old-faithful Wolf

In my child mind’s eye
It’s always dark, cloudy, raining, black and white
Mud and noise
The sloshing of wet boots and canvas
Explosions, tears, popping sounds

In my child mind’s eye
I am not a listener in 4th grade math
Sliding smoothly the pencil on the surface, gray on blonde veneer
I mark the years on the desk
5,10,15 and 3 makes 18
Time to fight

In my child mind’s eye
Gi-joe comes incomplete
Fatigues, canteen, crew-cut, and beard
One too many legs
I tear one off at the knee
Now I can “play”

In my child mind’s eye
Always it’s those commies
Vietnam, China, Cambodia, Laos
Always the war
Always the TV news
Walter tells me the body count each day

In my teen mind’s eye
Always aware of the time
15,16,17,18
Time to fight the cold war
Ford, Carter, Reagan and Russian leaders I cannot pronounce
ICBMs, B52s, nuclear warheads
Always aware of the time

In my teen mind’s eye
I walk to the post office
I pick the form
I register to fight
I am now alone
And now I wait
19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27
I wait

In my young-adult mind’s eye
I turn away from the Falklands and Iran
I can’t bear the thought
My fear is an ally to pain
Struggling with terror to soothe the wounds
That hatred has festered

In my young-adult mind’s eye
I see the remnants of war
Battered souls, torn hearts
Veterans like my Gi-joe
Missing parts and sanity

In my adult mind’s eye
26, 27, no fighting
Desert Storm and I turn away
I can’t bear the thought
More body counts, more pain
Cluster bombs and stealth bombers
Oil fires that blacken the sky

In my adult mind’s eye
I hear the names
One by one
The tears fall from my heart
Rivers of pain held back by the dam of time
The torment of 35 years
Trampling the weak boy soul
Crushing the little boy soul to room the adult soul

In my adult mind’s eye
Bosnia and Yugoslavia
I cannot turn away
Ethnic cleansing and rape
It stares me in the face
With its evil eyes and hateful breath
People destroying people, land, homes, lives

In my adult mind’s eye
The losses are too great
I cannot bear to hear, one more time, the news of the fighting
But I cannot turn away
It is in my blood and flesh
The wars of my elder-fathers course through me

In my adult mind’s eye
It’s always dark, cloudy, raining, black and white
Mud and noise
The sloshing of wet boots and canvas
Explosions, tears, popping sounds

In my mind’s eye
My chin falls to my chest and
I cry.

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